The final piece for my project is a performance piece, and before I perform, it is a good idea to evaluate how I am feeling about it, my expectations and my hopes and goals for it.
The script writing was challenging, I had to ask myself where to start, what to say, what not to say, what is relevant, what style to make it. How long would it be?
These questions continued to push me to find answers and only after the first draft was complete did I feel like it had direction and like it was saying something, but I didn’t know how many minutes the piece would be take to speak out loud until I finally asked a tutor to listen and sit down with me for a run through.
Everything in the script is so personal, it began as more like a collection of significant memories and events, than a coherent poetic piece. I didn’t know how in depth I wanted to speak about my experiences, and I have included much more than I expected of myself. For example, when I wrote about abuse in the first draft, I said “I will not tell you about this part, it is too much to repeat, too much to process” but I changed this in the final draft, and really spoke about it, maybe in more of a descriptive poetic way, than accurate, but it was honest and vulnerable.
Expectations of the audience, will people be interested in what I have to say, will I be able to engage with them, do I want people to cry? Part of me hopes that someone will be affected by my piece enough for them to have an emotional response like crying. It feels odd to hope for that, however I also expect myself to cry during it so if the audience is dead and unresponsive, it will feel awful and make it harder for me to be emotional.
I do not know my own ability in performance art, I have never done it before, so there are a lot of unknowns
I am doing this for myself, so hopefully despite all my fears, I will be connected to myself and feel a sense of achievement and emotional release when it is over.
All I can say now, is: we will see.